I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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