i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
