Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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