It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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