If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
