the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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