In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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