Where is the hickey?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
