Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
