This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
