I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
