two words: eviction party
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
