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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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