it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
