he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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