Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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