So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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