Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
