I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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