cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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