I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
