very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
