so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
