so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
