Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
