You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
