it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
