Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
