In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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