Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
