I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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