I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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