no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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