Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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