the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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