Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
