He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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