the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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