the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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