I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
