4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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