So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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