like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We need a shit load of segways right now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
