My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
