i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
