now i know why i became what i already was.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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