He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
