My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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