Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
