i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
