quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
