this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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