Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
