Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
