summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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