If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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