I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
